Of all of the variants of ecstasy I experienced during that period, the ecstasy of unbridled self-discovery was the most metamorphic. I broke my stainless steel bed frame with tons of great (and safe) sex. I took soul-nourishing psychedelic trips into the desert with friends. Once I was single, I immediately began to make up for lost time. This is a vulnerable position all around: for the couple in opening their connection to a newcomer, and for the unicorn in entering a power dynamic where they are the only one without an established teammate. It can certainly be all of those things (she says with a naughty smile), but when a couple invites me into their bed, I not only get welcomed into the midst of their preexisting connection, but also get to forge a new one with them based on their trust that I will respect the boundaries of their relationship. “Kinky,” “dirty,” and “taboo” are probably top of the list. Why did these revelations dawn on me between two sweaty bodies and the energy of someone else’s romantic union? When people think about three-ways, intimacy may not be the first thing to come to mind. Finding the strength to explore these more complicated, passionate aspects of my personality became the key to harnessing my voice and creative spark, which in turn helped me better cope with depression, anxiety, and the lingering cognitive effects of adolescent anorexia. But it wasn’t until I started sleeping with couples that I shed my shame about those qualities, let alone embraced them in all areas of my life. I now understand that my curiosity, open-mindedness, and sense of adventure are three nonnegotiable, defining elements of my identity. Throughout my life, this cognitive dissonance was only further complicated by external judgment I received for my impulses to try unconventional things. Paradoxically, though, this doesn’t stop me from feeling intensely drawn to new experiences. They said they were curious about threesomes, but had never tried because navigating the world of polyamory felt like a minefield.Īs a person with a comically massive reserve of anxiety, I too fear uncharted territory. As I nervously texted my closest friends (including screenshots of the couple’s profile, and dramatic goodbyes in case I never returned), many of them surprised me in their responses. I had met them on an app where couples can seek a third partner, known as a “unicorn” because of our mythical rarity. Now, in my late 20s, this was a new kind of first date-one with a couple. My body coursed with adrenaline and nervous energy I hadn’t felt on a first date since I was a teenager. “I want to watch my boyfriend bend you over” was the general tone of the sexts we had already exchanged before we met.
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